Earlier today, prior to receiving the email of rejection, I was sad. I am always sad, but today it was different. All the times before, I was sad but couldnt do anything about it. The sadness would encompass my entire being and leave me paralyzed with confusion. But today was much different.. I was so sad, it was a type of sad as if my cat had just died. I was able to cry for about 20 minutes. It has been at least 6 months since i have been able to cry for that long. I rarely let myself cry, and if i do it barely lasts 40 seconds.
I changed my anti-depressant about a week ago so maybe its affecting my body differently. Im not sure. Just another Q for the Doc.
It was just so strange to feel such a difference with sadness. It didnt leave but it changed somehow.
I just wish my aggression would go away before I break something in my room.
I would resort to bedroom after using these tree branches out front as baseball bats.
I may actually go do that..
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